How Peer Pressure Influences Your Child

Peer pressure is the influence wielded by people who are members of the same social group. It is also the term used to describe the effect this influence has on a person to conform in order to be accepted by the group. Often, peers are thought of as friends. And while your child's friends are their peers, peers can also be anyone of a similar status, such as people who are the same age, who have the same abilities, or who share a social status. 

People commonly think of peer pressure in a negative light, but in reality, it's not always a bad thing. Sometimes peer pressure is used to positively influence people, such as when teens work toward common goals such as doing well in school or helping out in their community. Learning about acceptable group norms can be a positive part of learning how to live with and socialize with others. 

How a child responds to peer pressure can highlight different traits. For example, natural leaders tend to be less susceptible to negative forms of peer pressure, while followers may have a harder time resisting it.

Read on to learn the signs, types, and impact of peer pressure and how to handle it when your child experiences it.

Signs of Peer Pressure

Peer pressure can range from subtle to overt, which means that some forms of peer pressure can be easier to spot than others. Identifying signs that your child is dealing with peer pressure may help you start a supportive conversation.

Some signs that your child may be experiencing peer pressure include:

• Avoiding school or other social situations
• Being very image-conscious
• Changes in behavior
• Expressing feeling like they don't fit in
• Low moods, including anxiety and depression
• Making social comparisons
• Trouble sleeping
• Trying out new hair or clothing styles

Research has found that children with low self-concept are more susceptible to peer influence and a desire to conform.

Types of Peer Pressure

Most kids strongly desire to fit in and are especially sensitive to being picked on, made fun of, or ostracized. Consequently, they're often eager to do the things their peers tell them to do.

Research shows that peers and positive peer pressure can play a significant role in influencing prosocial behaviors. It's so powerful that when peers endorse positive and altruistic behavior, young people are more likely to engage in those behaviors—even when their peers are not watching.

Positive peer pressure

Positive peer pressure is when peers encourage positive activities or push others to grow in a beneficial way. 

Here are a few examples of positive peer pressure:

• Pushing a friend to study harder so they can get better grades
• Getting an after-school job and convincing friends to get a job, too
• Saving money for a big purchase like a car and encouraging friends to do the same
• Disapproving of bigoted jokes or gossiping
• Discouraging illegal or risky behavior, like under-age drinking or smoking

Negative peer pressure

Negative peer pressure, on the other hand, involves social pressure to do something dangerous or damaging to themselves or others. 

Here are some examples of negative peer pressure:

• Convincing a friend to skip school
• Encouraging a peer to fight or bully someone
• Getting friends to engage in sexting
• Pressuring a friend to drink or try drugs
  
• Pushing someone to try vaping or e-cigarettes 

Impact of Peer Pressure

As your child grows older, their peers will play a bigger role in their life. Friends can influence many things, including:

• What kind of music kids listen
• What their hobbies are
• What they wear
• How they spend their time
• How they talk

Gender socialization may influence how receptive a young person is to peer pressure. For example, research shows that adolescent boys are more susceptible to pressure for risk-taking behaviors than girls. On the other hand, girls are more likely than boys to experience pressure about how they look.

Of course, peer pressure isn't limited by gender. All children can experience peer pressure across a vast spectrum of behaviors and beliefs, such as what to wear, how to act, and what behavior is acceptable. And that peer pressure can have both negative and positive impacts.

Benefits of peer pressure

Some of the potential benefits of peer pressure include the following:

• Advice: Friends can be a great support as kids try out new things, explore new ideas, or need someone to help them work through a challenging problem.
• Encouragement: Peers can push each other to do new things, like trying out for the soccer team or the school play. 
• Friendship and support: Feeling supported by someone who accepts them for who they are can boost self-esteem.
• Gaining new experiences: Sometimes, kids need a little push to do something they want to do but don't have the courage to do.
• Modeling good examples: Friends help each other be better people when they frown upon negative behaviors like gossiping or insensitive jokes and instead encourage positive behaviors.  
• Practicing socialization: Learning about different social norms helps kids adapt to different situations and decide which groups they want to spend time with and which ones they don't.

While peer pressure can be difficult, it isn't always bad. Positive peer pressure can be a valuable part of learning how to socialize and grow. The type of peer pressure your child is experiencing depends on the peer group they socialize with and the larger social groups they interact with—both in person and online.

Risks of peer pressure

Possible negative aspects of peer pressure include the following:

• Anxiety and depression: Being around people who pressure kids to do things they aren't comfortable with can make them feel anxious and depressed.
• Arguments or distance from family and friends: Negative peer pressure tends to make kids feel bad about themselves, and this can cause them to withdraw from people they care about.
• Distractions from academics: Peer pressure can sometimes cause kids to move their focus from their priorities because they're engaged in things they wouldn't normally do or distracted by thoughts about peer pressure.
• Pressure to engage in risky behavior: Friends may pressure each other to do things like drink, try illicit drugs, engage in unsafe sexual activity, or drive recklessly.  
• Problems with self-esteem and self-confidence: Constantly feeling pressure to do things that go against their values can make kids feel bad about themselves.
• Sudden changes in behavior: Trying to conform to a peer's norms might prompt a person to start acting and looking like someone else. 
• Unhappiness with appearance: If our peers fixate on appearance, kids may feel inadequate and want to change how they look to fit in.

If you suspect your kids are struggling with negative peer pressure, encourage them to talk to you. Sometimes, kids don't want to talk to their parents about peer pressure. If that's the case, don't take it personally. Encourage them to talk about it with another trusted adult, like a teacher, a school counselor, a doctor, or a therapist. 

Tips for Helping Kids Cope With Peer Pressure

It's important to prepare for dealing with peer pressure. Spotting signs of peer pressure will allow you to intervene when you recognize that your child is headed down an unhealthy road. 

Here are some strategies for helping your child cope with negative peer pressure:

• Help them plan ahead: Have your child think about what peers may pressure them to do that they don't want to do. Plan for ways to deal with the pressure. Ask them to think about how they might leave a situation if it becomes uncomfortable. Identify a support person that they could call.
• Help them prepare an excuse or out: Have them develop a canned excuse for why they can't participate in something they don't want to do. For example, some families have an arrangement where if kids text their parents a certain pre-planned word or phrase, the parent will call to say something has come up and they need to come home. 
• Encourage them to build friendships with the right people: People who share your child's values are less likely to be the people who will pressure them into doing things they don't want to do. 
• Help them identify trusted adults: Help your child identify which adults in their life are safe and accessible when they need to talk or help getting out of a tricky situation. 

Ultimately, one of the most important things you can do to help your child navigate negative peer pressure is to talk to them about it. Teach your child how to say no, help them develop the skills to think independently, and encourage self-confidence. If you suspect that your child is being negatively affected by peer pressure, let them know you are someone they can trust and offer to make a plan for getting out of a bad situation.